Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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