Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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