Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
