We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
