help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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