2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
