i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
