I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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