I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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