fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
