Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
