Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
