I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
