He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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