There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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