omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
