I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
