he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
