That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
