an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
