I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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