Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
