I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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