he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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