Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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