so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
