I think I just saw someone hide a body.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
