I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
