Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
