fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
