So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
