i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
