Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
