Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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