You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
