I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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