It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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