TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
