Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
