32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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