Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
