You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
