Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
