I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
