I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
