The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
