I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
