If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
vagina is talking i cant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
