sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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