you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
