So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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