We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
