why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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