you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
